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Let me count the ways we can possibly fail at every possible thing

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(Be patient,  I have top secret tips for kombucha making somewhere in here. Not kidding! )

Let me count the ways that someone might not be able to get on a plane:

A terrorist.

Passengers’ farts that won’t go away.

Passengers that won’t go away.

Dumb flight schedules.

Dumb pilots break the plane.

Dumb plane engineers break the plane.

Flight attendants all got sick from an epidemic caught on an island.

The airport sinks (especially true for Japan).

The entire country sinks.

I understand that this might be too soon considering the Malaysia Airlines flight is still nowhere to be found, and the ferry in Korea still creates chaos. But, that only makes my point: ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. My neuroticism and paranoia is very well warranted!

A few months ago, I missed a flight to an important business conference. The plane engine broke, then they found out they didn’t have the part to fix it, then everything else was overbooked, then everything else outside of that was cancelled because of an imminent storm. I couldn’t believe it. That might just be proof that there is a God, who is a dick and is out to get me. He just doesn’t like a minority female scientist! (Think about it: if all good things happen miraculously presumably due to a God, doesn’t that also mean if everything bad happens miraculously it’s also because of a God? Or is it Satan? I’m getting my spiritual beings confused here.)

Just this morning, another flight-related fiasco happened. I’m particularly excellent when it comes to email, except last week I forgot to reply to the travel agency to confirm my flight reservation, since I was about to drive 12 hours to a conference (PTSD, you see, I was not going to get on a plane so soon) and did not have the mind space to reply. This morning they called, basically to say: oh hey you didn’t reply so we cancelled your direct international flight, so yeah, fuck you. Predictably, I went berserk. The situation was eventually semi-resolved by them offering to book me a non-direct flight of equal value with the same dates, but the damage is done. My mind was already stuck at “we cancelled your flights” for half an hour and it already went unhinged after that. Transit doesn’t just mean longer time spent travelling. Transit means increased possibilities of not getting there (two more planes, double the chance for people to fuck up). It was then that I counted in my head all the possible ways I would not get on this flight.

This fiasco also coincides with my other failures in life that I have to deal with, so the conclusion is: yes, it is possible to fail at most things in your life. If you can think about it, it CAN HAPPEN. Have I scared you yet?

On the topic of failure, and since this blog was supposed to showcase my failures so you can maybe learn from it, here it is.

I love kombucha, mainly because an incidence in childhood scared me off soda early on,  and other than soda, kombucha is the only carbonated drinks I like. But kombucha is expensive, probably because it’s considered “health food” and is not yet common. When a friend offered to give me the starter/SCOBY, I was excited to make my own kombucha. Except I failed 😦 but hey, I learned my lesson, and you can learn yours too, vicariously: when making kombucha, use only black tea, do not use fruit tea or green tea! I wish this information was highlighted, underscored, bolded, and italicized somewhere, because in the recipe I used it never said “by tea we really meant black tea so don’t go get creative and use other kinds of tea, idiot.” I ended up wasting the beautiful and slimy and slightly frightening (in that it was alive) SCOBY my friend gave me. Oh well, store-bought Kombucha it is, yummy, fruity, carbonated kombucha.

scoby

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